Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Wednesday, 16 March 2005 - A change of seasons

Dear God:

Today, I am thankful for a change of seasons.

However mean your life is, meet it and live it: do not shun it and call it hard names. Cultivate poverty like a garden herb, like sage. Do not trouble yourself much to get new things, whether clothes or friends. Things do not change, we change. Sell your clothes and keep your thoughts. -- Henry David Thoreau

My soul has dwelled in winter for a long time, enduring an uneasy hibernation. Today, I am pleased to report that the seeds of hope and change that I planted several years ago are finally germinating. For me, the change of season from winter to spring is long overdue. But, I understand the delay. Transformation takes time. And, I've had to heal many wounds and break some deep, bitter roots.

As I emerge from my cocoon, I feel much better about the world and about myself. My depression no longer visits for weeks at a time. I sense her presence only occasionally, and I never ask her out for lunch. I feel that things are going to work out for the best. When I graduate from the university of hard knocks, I will finally earn a PhD - not in an academic subject as I originally planned, but a PhD magna cum laude in life.

I am writing a book based on my life experience and search for meaning and purpose - these excerpts may appear in the final chapter:

I see very clearly the importance of being the person God intended me to be, to step into my destiny at the right place and time. Miss either, and the universe will reel from the lost opportunity, as will I.

How often have I turned my back on what I believed to be the right but not popular thing to do? I need to trust my intuition even when others doubt my sanity. God, after all, speaks to me very clearly through gut feelings.

He has always taken care of me. And now, in my darkest moments when my greatest fears surround my heart, I know that He is guiding me through the desert. The Promised Land, the one bearing my name and my destiny on the doorstep, is very near.

Spring arrives in its usual Colorado style, sporting a wildly unpredictable temperament, dressing in variegated green and daffodil yellow, and smelling of rare lilacs. At dawn, nudged assertively by T, our high spirited Chocolate Labrador Retriever, I awake from a dreamless sleep and begin again.
For this blessing, I am grateful.

Amen.

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